I wish I could teleport
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
