return my video game
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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