Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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