I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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