her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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