Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
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The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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