Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
