A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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