my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
