i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
