I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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