I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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