His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
