I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
