I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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