that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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