I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
it's like iHOP with fire
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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