Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
