he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
