So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
