Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
