Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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