I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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