whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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