So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
