Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You can't just leave with hair like that
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
