he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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