it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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