A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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