I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
