Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
