Umm I'm too high to move.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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