if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ttyl tear gas
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
That accounts for only three of the penises
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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