i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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