I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
