i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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