i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
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Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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