I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think your dad took our porno
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
