God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
