11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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