Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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