On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
