If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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