If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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