i think my mom watched the whole time
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
