I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
