we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
