Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize