New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize