There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
