I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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