If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
