As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
