but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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