no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
