dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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