Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize