The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
