I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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