If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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