Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
