i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you traded sex for a burrito?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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