i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Randomize
