pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
