Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
