My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
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Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
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You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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