that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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