If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
