genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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